It’s summer time, isn’t this the time to skip around joyfully and scream “FREEDOM!”? I miss and don’t miss school. I’m much more relaxed and having more fun then I would during the school year, however, I feel busy. I say I’m busy, but at the same time, I feel utterly bored.
My enlightment is when I’m with friends or when I’m hanging out with my sister. When my sister was still around at home, before she went to college, I was annoyed at her presence. Now that she’s rarely home, I feel an empty hole in me, loneliness chewing it larger.
My friends are extremely bitter towards they’re younger siblings, calling them annoying brats. I feel rather jealous of them though, to have someone there to play with, to be looked up to. My friends’ siblings ask to play, they bother, they ask for help all the time according to my friends. They feel that they are anything but lucky. I tell them that they want attention, because that’s how I was with my sister, but they claim they’re siblings just wanted to annoy them. They also think that I’m the lucky one, to have a mature, older sister. I guess I am. She’s there when I need her, correcting my mistakes when I’m doing something wrong, listening to me when I’m down, and other things for me. However, I want to be the one to be relied on sometimes too. I want someone to be just there. With my sister gone most of the time, I feel like an only sibling. I hope my friends miss their little brothers and sisters when they go to college, rather then cheer, because we, younber siblings, can have feelings too.
However, I’m the youngest in my family; everyone else is much older than me. I know three of my cousins. They’re several years older than me, guys, live in China, and speak Chinese and little English. I’d have a hard time to confide in them-especially with my poor Chinese-even if they were willing to listen to a child’s problems or hang out with me.
Another thing I feel slightly deprived of is, I don’t recall ever holding a baby. Seeing one, yeah, my friend’s newborn sister and people strolling they’re kids down the sidewalk. That’s pretty much it. I realize that I absolutely suck with children. For a community club I was in for school, we went to a children’s center to play with them. I knew utterly nothing. Some of my friends have their siblings and or babysitted before, so they knew exactly how to interact with children. Me, I have no clue, zip, nada.
I wish I had a younger sibling. I wish for many things. At the moment, I wish school would start already, save me from the boredom from doing things I don’t want to do, and save me from the things I don’t want to think.